I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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