We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
