Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
