I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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