Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
