I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
