We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
