take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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