Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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