after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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