Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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