Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
