I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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