i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Randomize
