At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Boobs speak an international language.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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