Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Randomize
