fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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