the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
