I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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