My boss' voice literally gives me gas
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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