Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
