So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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