dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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