she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
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I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
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Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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