In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
