sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The ass gains better be worth it
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