strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
