Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Still dying that you shit outside
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
