first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
