whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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