there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
