How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I supernannyed him into submission
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
