porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
my shit smells like andre
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
