we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
