Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
40s are totally the cure
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
