Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
