I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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