My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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