I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
