I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
