pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
