It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
