I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
