i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
