so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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