$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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