I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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