mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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