This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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