My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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