he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
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Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
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The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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