Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
