So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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