I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
don't judge my taste in strippers
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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