There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
