I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
