Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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