yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
