1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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