Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
