about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
