hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize