North Korea, Best Korea!
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I fill condoms, not promises.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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